Visiting a Family Member Who Has an Eating Disorder: Learning How to be Supportive

Contributor: Courtney Howard, B.A., Executive Assistant at Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope

With spring and summer vacations coming up, you might be visiting out-of-town family. When traveling to visit a family member who has an eating disorder, you can take certain steps to ensure it is a positive experience for both you and your loved one.

Avoiding Triggering Language

Many disordered thoughts regarding food and body image have seeped into daily conversations and, to a degree, become socially acceptable. For this reason, you might be engaging in negative food talk or triggering language without even knowing it.

For starters, talking about numbers (i.e. pounds, calories, etc.) should always be avoided when speaking with someone with an eating disorder. This is because focusing on numbers can further the individual’s disordered thoughts, and providing your weight or caloric intake can feed the competitive side of your loved one’s disorder.

Speaking about the gym in a disordered way is something else that has become commonplace within the past decade. Talking about having to spend hours at the gym to work off a meal or how you will have to hop on the treadmill when you get back to your hometown because you “cheated” while on vacation reinforce the idea that eating what you want is wrong and that the gym is a cure-all remedy.

When visiting your loved one, try to engage in positive self-talk without shaming yourself or others for food choices.

Engaging in Intuitive Eating

Paying a visit to your loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder, whether the eating disorder is heavily active or the individual is in recovery, can be a time for you to model intuitive eating during shared meal times. This means listening to your natural hunger and fullness cues, including having that piece of chocolate cake you’re dying for after dinner.

This can also mean having a smaller lunch after a large breakfast or skipping a snack if you are not truly hungry, so be sure not to feel like you must stuff yourself to normalize eating for your loved one. That is not intuitive eating. Listening to your body and trusting it by giving it what it needs can make an impact on your family member. Modeling this healthy relationship with food and your body can help with your loved one gain comfort in doing the same.

That being said, eating disorders are very strong forces, so whatever positive food talk and intuitive eating you practice might not have lasting effects on your loved one. However, you can gain comfort in the fact that it has the potential to counter the negative messages out there and is a subtle form of support for your family member.

Being a Support Person

Sometimes all someone who is struggling with an eating disorder needs is love and support. By being a support for your family member, you can provide a source of light during the dark times of his or her eating disorder.

Listening without judgment is key when it comes to being a support person. There are so many misconceptions about eating disorders that people are often hesitant to come forward with their struggles. By providing a non-judgmental ear, you can encourage your family member to voice his or her pain, which then begins to silence the eating disorder.

When listening to these struggles, you can also provide support by validating the individual’s feelings without validating the disordered thoughts. There is a fine line between the two, and feel free to consult with a mental health professional to determine how you can best support your family member.

For example, if your loved one engages in negative self-talk, dismissing it will likely further the pain and isolation the individual feels. By helping process these feelings while reframing the disordered thoughts can change the tone of the conversation and get to the root of the problem.

Upcoming Visits with Family

If you have an upcoming visit with your family member, try not to go into this time fearing that you will say the wrong thing or be triggering. While it is good to be mindful of these things, enjoy yourself on your trip and know that it is okay if you accidentally say the wrong thing.

In fact, you probably will at some point. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they are unfamiliar with eating disorders. Learning from these mistakes while making sure your family member feels safe and supported is the most important thing.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

How have you been able to show your family member love and support in the past while visiting from out-of-town? Was this a good experience for both you and your loved one?

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About the Author: Courtney Howard is the Executive Assistant for Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope. She graduated summa cum laude with a B.A. from San Diego State University, holds a paralegal certificate in Family Law, and is a Certified Domestic Violence Advocate. After obtaining her certification as a life coach, Courtney launched Lionheart Eating Disorder Recovery Coaching in 2015 and continues to be a passionate advocate for awareness and recovery.

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The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on June 23, 2016
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com