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Talking to Your Teen About Pursuing Treatment for Anorexia
Talking to your teen about their struggles with anorexia nervosa (AN), and whether it is time to pursue treatment, may not be an easy conversation, but preparing for it can make it easier.
Lead with Empathy
Brené Brown asserts, “empathy is not feeling for someone, it is feeling with someone.” Feeling with your teen means doing what I like to call “sitting in the mud” with them. Instead of approaching them with an air of authority or looking at their problem from the outside, face the problem with them.
Doing so will make the conversation feel more like a collaboration than an inquisition and your teen will feel less attacked and more supported. Studies show that rates of relapse are lower when the family is involved in treatment [1], therefore, creating a united front from the beginning will be more beneficial throughout the recovery process.
Fight Resistance with Patience
This conversation may also require some patience on your part. Even when the topic of AN treatment is approached gently, there is likely to be push-back. Whether your teen becomes angry or simply shuts down, fight the urge to escalate.
It can be frustrating to see your child harming themselves while refusing help but remember that eating disorders are emotional as well as physical and that clinging tightly to the unhealthy behaviors is part of the illness. Don’t become frustrated with your child for displaying the symptoms of their illness.
Educate Yourself
Learning more about AN and how it is treated will be incredibly helpful when you approach your teen. Attempting to understand the disorder will help you come from a place of understanding.
Learning about various treatment options, and sharing them with your teen, could also assuage some of their fears.
Listen As Much (Or More) Than you Talk
Being a parent means being a “fixer.” Parents work overtime to fix whatever might be hurting their children. This instinct is important, but can sometimes take a conversation from a two-person collaboration to a one-person show.
Once you are done talking to your teen and said what you needed to say, give your teen time to process and to say what they need to say.
Whether their response is open, angry, or just radio-silence, they are entitled to their own reaction. Create a safe space for them to process their struggles, fears, and emotions and sit in that space with them.
Leave on an Action Note
For progress to come, action must be taken. What is often confused is what actions indicate progress. You and your teen’s progress will depend on how the conversation went. Perhaps your child was ready to pursue treatment and jumped on board immediately.
More likely, your child needs more time and information about the subject. End the conversation asserting one action you will both take, whether that be researching AN treatment facilities together or simply promising to think it over and talk about it next week.
During this difficult conversation of talking to your teen, your teen may have opened up and let it all out. Maybe they just got angry, went to their room, and slammed the door. Hey, they may have just sat there quietly.
No matter how the conversation went, you opened up an important dialogue, one that could save your child’s life, and that’s something to be proud of.
About the Author: Margot Rittenhouse is a therapist who is passionate about providing mental health support to all in need and has worked with clients with substance abuse issues, eating disorders, domestic violence victims and offenders, and severely mentally ill youth.
As a freelance writer for Eating Disorder and Addiction Hope and a mentor with MentorConnect, Margot is a passionate eating disorder advocate, committed to de-stigmatizing these illnesses while showing support for those struggling through mentoring, writing, and volunteering. Margot has a Master’s of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University.
References:
[1]: Isserlin, L., Couturier, J. (2012). Therapeutic alliance and family-based treatment for adolescents with anorexia nervosa. Psychotherapy, 49:1, 46-51.The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published on August 15, 2017.
Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on August 15, 2017.
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com
