Breaking the Ties That Bind: Intervening on a Loved One in the Grips of ED – Part 4

Transtheoretical Intervention Protocol – Intervention & Case Example

Once the rehearsal is finished, it is time for the actual intervention, time to invite the loved one into the process.

In the actual intervention, we’re going to ask the loved one to sit down and allow each person to share their hearts.

The team members then read sections 1 and 2 of the letter at that.

After this, I will put the offer for treatment on the table.

This offer for treatment is whatever the family has decided they’ll support, whether that’s residential treatment, outpatient treatment, etc.

I’ll give the individual information about that treatment program and answer any questions the individual may have.

Again, if they say no, I’m going to ask that important two-word question, why not?

We will process and move through those objections and, throughout that, I continue to put the offer on the table:

“Well, that’s not an issue, be ready to go.”

“We’ve taken care of that, are you ready to go?”

This is ultimately that person’s choice and, if they make a choice not to accept help, then they need to understand the choices their family is then making and the new boundaries they’re going to put in place.

They need to understand the changes they’re going to have to make in the relationship in order to support wellness and recovery.

It is about sending this message to the loved one:

“We love you, and we will support wellness and recovery for you. Right now, that means you engage in this program, and we will support you in any way that we can on an ongoing basis for recovery.”

Here is the tougher part, the family needs to assert:

“We won’t support anything else.”

The individual needs to understand that their choice does have consequences.

I want to emphasize that, when we are overcoming objections, we’re going to avoid fighting.

This is not about a fight. This is not about who has the loudest voice. This is about choices and consequences.

Even if the afflicted individual wants to fight, we’re not going to go there. We are not going to fight with this individual.

We’re going to present the truth.

If and when the individual chooses treatment, here’s what needs to take place.

Primarily, is transportation to the treatment facility, a bag has been packed in advance, the treatment facility is on board, the person has been approved for admission.

Now it’s time to go.

This may be an automobile ride, maybe a plane ride. We need to make sure that the right persons are there.

In fact, I insist that a family member accompany their loved one all the way to the treatment center.

I may go and may not, it depends on the circumstances, but I insist on a family member who was present at the intervention to accompany their loved one all the way through to the treatment program.

Those individuals need to be coached, so I will have spent quite a bit of time with the family members who are accompanying their loved one, coaching them on what you do during this trip.

Here, it’s about being their cheerleader. It’s about being their support. It’s not about criticism, judgment, or threats.

Now, what if they dig their heels in and say “absolutely not.”

Then it is time for them to hear section three of the team member’s letters.

This is the part that says, ”since you’ve made that choice, here are my choices.”

Each time, I’m coming back to the individual saying, “is that really the life you want to have with your family or are you ready to go to treatment?”

Ultimately, I’m going to respect their choice, and if they refuse to go then, that is that.

When they choose treatment, my work with the family is not over. While their loved one is in treatment, I can support the family through coaching, through guidance, And I can help them understand what’s going on in treatment.

If I can get on the release at the treatment center, I can get regular updates from that team on how their loved one is doing, and I can provide that ongoing service to the family.

I also have a continued obligation to the family when their loved one chooses not to go to treatment.

I want to help them process through their feelings; I don’t just leave.

Now, it’s time to sit down with the family, after the loved one has said no and left, and do some coaching, some guidance, and support for the family.

Regardless of the outcome, this team has got to remain united.

Statistics show us that over 80% of the time, the individual chooses treatment on the day of the intervention.

Of the 20% that don’t, over half will go to treatment in a relatively short period of time, providing the family stays united in the consequences and boundaries they put in place at the intervention.

There is a small percentage of individuals where it is going to take something else, and it is heartbreaking, but, under these circumstances, the odds are certainly in our favor of getting that person the help that they need.

My job is then to continue to support the family in maintaining those healthy boundaries.

So, what are the benefits?

Number one, the obvious, the loved one accepts the gift of life which is treatment.

Eating disorders breed chaos and families are torn apart by these; it’s not just the individual.

The intervention process brings divided families together to create a united and unifying team. Truly, the conflict with that family can be eliminated or significantly reduced if they’ll come together and stay united.

It really is about more than just that individual.

An intervention is always successful if the afflicted individual goes to treatment and the family continues to get help for themselves while their loved one is in treatment.

The family needs to do some work.

They may need to see a therapist; they may need to participate in a 12-step program. They need to do some work as well so that when a loved one comes home, they’re not coming home to the exact same situation.

Case Example

Let me conclude with a little story.

I was once called in to do an intervention for a young woman with an eating disorder.

What had happened was the family had just ignored it and denied it for years and years until this woman had a daughter.

When this daughter was about seven years old, the mother began to restrict the food intake for the daughter, and the family realized things had gotten way out of control.

They then called me in.

We did a lot of work in advance by phone and email. I flew into their town on a Friday night, and we spent all day together on Saturday doing the training and preparation.

We met again on Sunday morning to do the rehearsal and then Sunday afternoon she had been invited over to her parents home.

She arrived and there we were we were, ready to present this offer for treatment.

As you may imagine, a few things needed help.

As the family dynamics began to shift and she could no longer pick them apart, she could no longer divide and conquer.

The family unit had come together, and she recognized, “okay, I’m going to have to accept some help.”

The same day, we were on a plane. We flew to another state, she engaged in a treatment program, and she was there for about 75 days.

I’m delighted to report that, based on the last time I talked to the family, not only is she doing well but the family is doing well!

This is one of those rare occasions where the individual called me later and said: “thank you.”

As you can imagine, I’m not the most popular guy when they have the intervention, but, when they get well and as they recover, they are able to embrace recovery and things really do change.

Please See

Breaking the Ties That Bind: Intervening on a Loved One in the Grips of ED – Part 1
Breaking the Ties That Bind: Intervening on a Loved One in the Grips of ED – Part 2
Breaking the Ties That Bind: Intervening on a Loved One in the Grips of ED – Part 3

---

Source:

Virtual Presentation by Jerry L. Law, D. Min., MDAAC, CIP in the Dec. 7, 2017 Eating Disorder Hope Inaugural Online Conference & link to the press release at https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/eating-disorder-hope-offers-inaugural-online-conference-300550890.html

---

About the Presenter:

Jerry L. Law, D. Min., MDAAC, CIP is a veteran of 25 years in the corporate world, and his strong leadership and organizational skills lend themselves naturally to the intervention process. Dr. Law is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, a Board Certified Intervention Professional and a Master Certified Drug Alcohol and Addictions Counselor. Jerry brings compassion and a first-hand understanding of how critical it is to break the cycle of addiction in the professional world as well as within the family.

---

About the Transcript Editor: Margot Rittenhouse is a therapist who is passionate about providing mental health support to all in need and has worked with clients with substance abuse issues, eating disorders, domestic violence victims, and offenders, and severely mentally ill youth.

As a freelance writer for Eating Disorder and Addiction Hope and a mentor with MentorConnect, Margot is a passionate eating disorder advocate, committed to de-stigmatizing these illnesses while showing support for those struggling through mentoring, writing, and volunteering. Margot has a Master’s of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University.

---

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Published on June 21, 2018.

Reviewed on June 26, 2018 by Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC.

Published on EatingDisorderHope.com