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Caring for Our Children During Residential Eating Disorder Treatment
I hope it is not surprising to you when I say that parents are not perfect. They appear so, working hard to keep the family together, coordinating school, extra-curricular activities, get-togethers, holidays, jobs, and daily life to make sure everyone is safe, happy, and healthy. Even so, parents are not superheroes, and they struggle with human challenges like anyone else. Sometimes, the role of parent merges with the challenge of needing residential eating disorder treatment. This can be tough for the family to face, but it is possible to get the help you need and take care of your children.
Forgive Yourself
This is one of the most challenging steps to taking care of your children while you are in residential eating disorder treatment. You likely have a harmful narrative swirling in your mind that you are “failing your children,” “abandoning your family,” “letting everyone down.”
Make every effort to re-write these narratives and focus your new narrative on the fact that your time in residential eating disorder treatment is a beautiful act of love and self-love. Eating disorders do not impact only the individual struggling; they touch everyone in their lives.
Your children have likely been impacted by your disorder in some way, whether it be feeling the emotional distance, missing eating meals with you, or copying some disordered behaviors themselves.
Research indicates that children with parents that struggle with long-term eating disorders have “greater problems in feeding and eating behaviors and greater incidence of eating disorder symptoms; more psychological and socioemotional difficulties [1].”
It is an incredible act of love to receive the support and help that you need so that your children are no longer impacted by your ED and don’t have to go through what you are going through.
It is also an incredible act of self-love as well, even if it is the first time you have really put yourself first. We cannot take care of others effectively if we do not first take care of ourselves.
Explain to Them (in an Age-Appropriate Manner)
Many people consider not even telling their children where mom is, especially if they are young, but this might be more confusing for the child. As a family, have an honest and open discussion about what is happening.
Consider the age-appropriateness of certain details. Younger children may be confused with concepts of what an eating disorder is; therefore, you may simply explain that Mommy or Daddy is sick and needs help to get better. This is absolutely true, helps them know you are receiving the help you need, and models for them that it is okay to seek out support when we need it.
For teenagers, they may be more aware of the situation or your behaviors and, in turn, a more in-depth conversation may be warranted to clue them in. Children see and take in more than we think and will make their own (possibly worse or more emotionally harmful) conclusions if not provided with information.
Work Within the Residential Eating Disorder Treatment Program
It will be challenging to be in residential eating disorder treatment as a parent. You won’t be able to see your children on a daily basis, have small interactions with them, or watch them play.
Not only that, it will be challenging for your family unit to adjust to your absence, and you may have to hear about or see that. This might trigger increased eating disorder behaviors or feelings of shame and guilt.
Allow yourself to process this as you continue to work your program, remembering that this is not forever. Soon, you will be back home in your family unit, snuggling your kids and engaging in daily life.
Commit your current time in residential to working your program and fighting your eating disorder so that you can be present and well when you return home.
Resources
[1] Watson, H. J., O’Brien, A., Sadeh-Sharvit, S. (2018). Children of parents with eating disorders. Current Psychiatric Report, 20:11.About the Author:
Margot Rittenhouse, MS, PLPC, NCC is a therapist who is passionate about providing mental health support to all in need and has worked with clients with substance abuse issues, eating disorders, domestic violence victims, and offenders, and severely mentally ill youth.
As a freelance writer for Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope and a mentor with MentorConnect, Margot is a passionate eating disorder advocate, committed to de-stigmatizing these illnesses while showing support for those struggling through mentoring, writing, and volunteering. Margot has a Master’s of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective on eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published September 30, 2020, on EatingDisorderHope.com
Reviewed & Approved on September 30, 2020, by Jacquelyn Ekern MS, LPC
