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How to Share Your Trauma with Your Loved Ones to Begin Healing
Contributed by: Jennifer Wade, B.A., writer for Eating Disorder Hope
When experiencing trauma, it’s normal to feel alone and scared. The thought of opening up and sharing your feelings may seem terrifying. It can seem impossible to put your internal struggles and the mental madness you’re experiencing into words. You’re likely to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed.
When you begin to notice that your thoughts surrounding the trauma are overpowering your life, it is important to try to find someone you can reach out to. Opening up is essential to recovery.
“Talk, talk, talk. Tell your story. Tell it to someone or ten someones who will listen without correcting, criticizing, complaining or creating a bigger mess for you.” (Groman, 2015).
Talking about your feelings will allow you to calm your mind and help you become more rational and self-aware. Plus, sharing your internal struggles can help bring a sense of peace and relief.
It’s human nature to think that we are the only person experiencing pain inside, but when we open up to others we soon realize we are not alone.
Who to Open Up To
When you decide you’re ready to open up, the first step is deciding who to talk to. You may have a close family member or friend that immediately comes to mind or you may be lost as to where to start. If someone doesn’t come to mind, try creating a list of family members, friends, co-workers or neighbors who you could possibly reach out to. Try brainstorming as many people as you can and then narrowing it down to a few people you feel most comfortable reaching out to.
Strong family and social relationships are essential to overcoming trauma. Talking to a family member, going to therapy, joining a support group or finding a mentor are all ways to reach out.
“Reaching out to people can help you break old patterns, feel your feelings, heal underlying issues, and ultimately find more joy in your life.” (Costin, 2012)
If opening up to a family member or friend seems too personal, you may try reaching out to a therapist. It may be helpful to start talking about your feelings with a professional, but you are eventually going to also want to open up to loved ones, as you will need more support than the hour or two a week your counseling session provides.
What to Say
When you’re ready to open up, try to have an open mind as to how the person you are talking to may react. Remember, this is new to them too, so they may not always have the answers or advice you may be expecting. Try to hear them out patiently and without judgment.
If you don’t think your loved one will know how to react, try giving them books or materials to read before the conversation. You can also explain to them what feedback or conversation style is most helpful for you. Only disclose what you are comfortable sharing. Start out slow and if the conversation is progressing well, you can choose to share more.
“The most important thing about reaching out is the fact that you reached out, not what the other person says or does.” (Costin, 2012).
Throughout the process it is important that you stay connected with supportive people in your life. You don’t always have to talk about what happened, but just enjoying time with one and other can lead to healing.
If You’re Not Ready to Open Up
If the thought of opening up to a person seems too overwhelming, you can always try writing in a journal.
“If you can try to channel your urgency, fear, anger or frustration onto paper, you will find relief.” (Costin, 2012)
Writing in a journal can help you practice getting your feelings out so you can eventually reach out to a loved one. To overcome your trauma and addiction, it is important to learn to rely on others instead of your disorder. When you reach out to friends and family and explore these difficult feelings and daily problems, you take the power away from the disorder. Talking about your trauma and establishing trusting relationships is an essential step toward recovery.
Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!
What personality characteristics do you look for when seeking someone to confide in?
About the Author: Jennifer Wade is a contributing writer for Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope. She graduated cum laude with a B.A. from Loyola Marymount University. Having struggled as a teen, Jennifer is an advocate for eating disorder awareness. She currently works as a reporter for KTVZ, the NBC and FOX affiliate in Central Oregon.
References:
[1]: Costin, Carolyn, and Gwen Schubert. Grabb. 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder: Effective Strategies from Therapeutic Practice and Personal Experience. New York: W.W. Norton, 2012. Print.[2]: Groman, Melissa. Better Is Not so Far Away: Decide to Recover from Bingeing, Starving or Cutting / Melissa Groman, LCSW. McGraw Hill, 2015. Print.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on May 19, 2016
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com