New Year, New You? Or Choosing Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion

New Year’s resolutions are a common tradition in American culture. They often center on self-improvement or on achieving goals and dreams. A common resolution is to eat healthier or exercise more, usually with the intention of losing weight. Self-compassion and self-acceptance are rarely considered; instead, we tend to criticize ourselves.

The fact that this is a common goal for people is a reflection of America’s obsession with physical appearance, specifically with being thin. Being thin is seen as being healthy or being well. This obsession with thinness becomes even more important for people when physical appearance is also tied to self-worth and self-esteem.

This is the case for many people, not just those with eating disorders. The truth is that your health is not dependent on how healthy you are.¹ You can be in a bigger body and be healthy.² In addition, physical appearance is not a reflection of your worth or whether they are a good person.

Instead of focusing on transforming yourself this year, what if you focused on accepting and showing self-compassion to the person you already are? It’s okay to want to change things to create a better life for yourself, but sometimes a better life comes from having a better relationship with yourself.

Say Goodbye to Diet Culture

Diet culture is a term used to describe a system that values weight over wellness. Many people go on diets to achieve wellness, but research shows that diets often fail. The failure rate is close to 95%!¹ Not only are they not effective, but diets also tend to lead to poorer physical and mental health.¹

Stepping out of this mentality can be difficult because information about dieting is everywhere. Some ways to break up with diet culture are to get rid of your scale and stop counting calories. This may feel extremely difficult, but these are good ways to refocus your attention on how your body feels rather than what a scale or a calorie-counting app tells you to do.

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is about giving yourself compassion and kindness, especially during moments of suffering. Sometimes we are our own biggest critics and can treat ourselves harshly. This usually happens when we need kindness the most, such as when we make mistakes or are going through a difficult time.¹

Some people may think that being hard on yourself will motivate you to make progress. Usually, the opposite is true. The more compassionate we are towards ourselves, the more likely we are to make positive changes or accomplish goals.¹ Even if you don’t feel any compassion towards yourself right now, self-compassion mindfulness practices are shown to increase the amount of kindness we show ourselves.²

Accept Yourself for What You Are

It makes sense that in a culture obsessed with beauty that it would be difficult to accept ourselves for who we are. This fixation on appearance can leave us with a very shallow view of ourselves. If we value our appearance above all else, it is easy to forget the internal qualities that make us who we are.

This can be complicated for people who feel a lot of shame. Shame is the feeling that we are somehow bad or different from other people. This feeling often leads people to feel that they aren’t deserving of love or connection. If you feel a lot of shame, it can be hard to believe you have any internal qualities worthy of acceptance.

It’s important to know that everyone has qualities that are good and bad. It’s part of being human. Humans are complicated, magnificent beings. Feeling compassion for the part of yourself you feel ashamed of can help you accept yourself more.

Understanding 12-Step Groups For Support

Support groups are a great option for those in recovery from an eating disorder. Understanding the components and foundations of 12-step groups can help you determine whether this is an appropriate option for you. 12-step groups have traditionally been applied in the addiction and substance abuse recovery setting, though many principles can apply to the individual recovering from an eating disorder as well.

These groups are offered worldwide and are free for attendees. Within these types of groups, individuals are able to connect over similar experiences, which is powerful for creating a sense of community and support. They are designed to encourage recovery through various stages. Whether it be an eating disorder, alcohol, drugs, or more, 12-step groups are based on a set of guiding principles that support a person’s journey from an array of mental health problems.

One of the most powerful aspects of joining a 12-step group is connecting with others who are going through the same thing or who have been through similar experiences. Because eating disorders are such isolating diseases, having a solid support community is vital for recovery success.

Making the Most of Your Support Group

If you are interested in finding a 12-step support group in your area, consider starting by searching the Eating Disorder Hope Support Group Directory, or inquire within your local community. Many individuals in eating disorder recovery have found that these support groups, even if not specifically designed for eating disorders, have applicable principles that can be applied to their own journey.

Make the most of your group experience by staying active and committed to it. Because 12-step groups thrive on the giving environment of the members, be willing and open to receive help as well as offer feedback to others.

Samantha Bothwell, LMFT

Samantha Bothwell, LMFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, writer, explorer, and lipstick aficionado. She became a therapist after doing her own healing work so she could become whole after spending many years living with her mind and body disconnected. She has focused her clinical work to support the healing process of survivors of sexual violence and eating disorders. She is passionate about guiding people in their return to their truest Self so they can live their most authentic, peaceful life.