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An Invitation to Modify Perfectionism
Perfectionism is possibly one of the most-debated personality traits. Author Kristen Neff points out that, as its most productive, perfectionism motivates individuals to do their best, to strive to achieve and to set high standards for themselves [1].
However, she is also accurate in describing its pitfalls, noting that “when your entire sense of self-worth is based on being productive and successful, when failure is simply not allowed, then the striving to achieve becomes tyrannical and counterproductive [1].” In recent years, articles on the dangers of perfectionism have increased, with scholars in numerous fields acknowledging that society’s value of this trait may cause more harm than good.
Even so, perfectionist traits continue to be valued and encouraged in secondary education, higher education, and the job field. The lesson becomes that it is up to each individual to utilize perfectionist traits as a strength while mitigating its propensity for harm.
The Dangers of Perfectionism
Despite the cultural emphasis on perfection, what it takes to attempt to achieve it can result in serious consequences. As one Psychology Today article acknowledged, perfectionists only feel good about themselves when they are achieving [2].
This leaves a great deal of time for self-shame and questioning, as these individuals have not achieved their concept of “perfection” and, therefore, cannot congratulate or validate themselves. This leads to unhappiness and lack of fulfillment for most of these individual’s lives, which has ramifications on physical and mental health.
Studies show that “perfectionists are at much greater risk for eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other psychological problems [1].” In essence, we are hurting ourselves in our attempt to achieve what is unattainable.
Finding the Middle Ground
There are people born perfectionists. Those that seek to be the best in all that they do, those that will not allow any less than exceeding expectations, those that carry the burden of not allowing a support team because they feel that “if you want a job done right, you must do it yourself.”
Maybe you have met a person like or this feels eerily familiar to yourself. For these individuals, learning to let go of control and the pressure of perfection will be a lifelong endeavor. These are recovering-perfectionists.
Then, you have those that are not born perfectionists but desperately wish they were. These individuals fight for the same achievements but do not have the innate desire for control and meticulousness.
These are wannabe-perfectionists. Neither of them is happy or fulfilled because life does not exist in extremes or inauthenticity, and people cannot either.
Most of life’s joys are found in the middle ground, the grey area of happiness and sadness, messiness and achievement. Attempting to attain perfection, or be something you are not, is not likely to bring happiness.
Why “Perfection?”
Despite the worldwide assertion that “perfection doesn’t exist,” millions continue to attempt it. This leads to overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt when this impossible perfection doesn’t happen.
Millions of people are down on themselves and questioning their worth because they were unable to achieve what does not exist. Is it really the worst we can do, as a society, to shift our approval to more realistic expectations?
Imagine how your life might change if you did this for yourself? To hold yourself to the standard of doing your best instead of being “the best.” To challenge yourself to try something new as opposed to what has “always been done.” To experience exploring for yourself what feels worthwhile versus doing what someone else told you was desirable?
What if we redefined “perfection” to look like an individual being fully and authentically themselves in their lives and work instead of becoming a carbon copy of so many others?
Resources
[1] Neff, K. (2011). Self compassion: the power of being kind to yourself. New York, New York. [2] Becker-Phelps, L. (2018). Perfectionism can drive success and unhappiness. Psychology Today, retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-change/201808/perfectionism-can-drive-success-and-unhappiness.About the Author:
Margot Rittenhouse, MS, PLPC, NCC is a therapist who is passionate about providing mental health support to all in need and has worked with clients with substance abuse issues, eating disorders, domestic violence victims, and offenders, and severely mentally ill youth.
As a freelance writer for Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope and a mentor with MentorConnect, Margot is a passionate eating disorder advocate, committed to de-stigmatizing these illnesses while showing support for those struggling through mentoring, writing, and volunteering. Margot has a Master’s of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective on eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published February 12, 2021, on EatingDisorderHope.com
Reviewed & Approved on February 12, 2021, by Jacquelyn Ekern MS, LPC
