Contributor: Deb, guest contributor to Eating Disorder Hope
English is not my first language, to write my story in English, is not easy. Just call me Deb, I am 20 years old and still studying to complete my senior year in high school.
My eating issues started back when I was ten. I always had trouble with bullying, since I was in primary school, and the worst was at age ten.
I never considered myself a happy teenager. However, I am much happier now compared to my life with an eating disorder.
There was one incident at school that led me to be suspended for three months. I was depressed and suicidal, I decided that by losing weight people would like me and accept me.
I started with cutting down snacks until I was only drinking water. My weight dropped like crazy to a very dangerous level.
My loved ones would be really angry with me for not eating and for my excessive exercising. I used to do run on the treadmill at home for more than four hours a day. I also walked around the house. The only time I was sitting down was during breakfast, lunch and dinner. I would wake up at 2:00 AM every morning to do extra hours of treadmill.
I was trapped in my mind. I lost myself. I couldn’t think about anything other than my eating disorder. After those three months of being suspended, I came back to school when my weight had improved. The people that used to bully me complimented that I looked better, but then they would laugh behind my back.
That motivated me to lose more weight. I used eating and limiting my calories as the control mechanism for me to suppress my depression and traumatic experiences. I tried to commit suicide a couple of times. I went to see a dietitian and she asked me to gain weight. My weight has been like a yoyo, up and down.
My recovery journey started while I was studying in Australia for the first time. I was very underweight, and during the winter I fainted while walking back to the boarding house. The boarding house rang the ambulance and they sent me to the hospital.
On the way to the hospital they gave me a glucose injection, my sugar level was very low. In the hospital I woke up and my parents took me back to the hotel. The next day we went to see the school general practitioner and she told me I had Anorexia Nervosa.
Based on my weight, my school sent me back home with the condition that I could come back once my weight was in normal range.
That is when my binging period started. After all of the binging and cheating I managed to get back to school, but after only three weeks I decided that I couldn’t stay anymore. I need inpatient treatment.
I went to the clinic in Sydney but ran away after one week after the psychiatrist told me the amount of weight I needed to gain. I went back to Indonesia and continued my eating disordered behavior until one day I realized that I was tired of this and I really needed to get better.
I admitted myself into a hospital in Singapore to get treatment with my eating disorder. They helped me to gain back my weight and normalized my eating habit. Mid 2013 was the first time I was in recovery.
Since then, there were a couple of relapses while I was studying in Australia, but I am getting stronger and stronger. Anorexia made me lose five years of my education time. I am now the oldest student at my school, I am still fighting to finish my education.
My eating disorder is getting so much better, even though I still have a few more pounds to gain. I know, and I believe, I will get there.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on November 10, 2015
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com