Jordan’s Struggle and Recovery from Anorexia

Image of Jordan as an Eating Disorder InspirationMy name is Jordan, and this is my story and my hope of eating disorder inspiration. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14 years old. Since then, I have been in and out of countless treatment programs. I have been in residential programs, IOP, PHP, and have done multiple rounds of Maudsley.

After 8 years of attempting treatment, it wasn’t until I finally understood the negative effects my eating disorder was having on my life that I could consider myself to be in recovery. I was told countless times that my ED was ruining my life, and was even experiencing the consequences, but for some reason, I could never step out of the disorder and believe what everyone was telling me.

I was scared. I was scared that without my eating disorder, I would lose control. I was scared that without my eating disorder, I would be nothing.

Eventually, my metabolism just gave up on me. I was hungry all the time, barely eating all day, and planning my life around meals and exercise, but I wasn’t losing weight anymore. Unfortunately, it took me 8 years to get to this point. 8 years of my life that I wasted because I thought that my ED was the only path to true happiness only to find that it resulted in suffering.

I was filled with anxiety, depressed about the way that I looked, and for some reason, I just could not believe that my eating disorder was the cause of that. I finally reached a point where I was willing to try ANYTHING to feel better.

I decided that I was going to force myself to eat three appropriate meals a day and a snack regardless of how anxious I was feeling or how “not hungry” I was. I’m not going to lie and say this was easy, I felt horrible the first few days. I was determined to put as much effort into this as I had put into my ED. I was strong.

For once, my strength was not measured by how much I didn’t eat, but how much I wanted to be happy, and how much I wanted things to change. I have not looked back since. There are still days that are very hard and days that I dread getting dressed or looking in mirrors, and I do not feel like an eating disorder inspiration.

But the doctors were right, once I started to feed my body, my metabolism got back on track, and I actually lost weight. Recovery isn’t about weight, though. Recovery is about getting to a place where food doesn’t control you.

Recovery is about getting to a place where your emotions aren’t guided by what you ate that day or how much you exercised, but the experiences you had. I always thought that once I let go of my anorexia, it would mean that I was no longer strong. It is the complete opposite; I didn’t know how strong I was until I dealt with the discomfort of the unknown.

If I could speak to my 14-year-old self, I would tell her that her eating disorder ruined what could have been some of the best years of her life. Unfortunately, I cannot.

But, I can be an eating disorder inspiration, and I can tell others who are going through this that it is not worth it. I know how glamorous eating disorders might seem to you. I was infatuated by mine. It is not worth it. You will never get the time back that you spent wasting on your ED.

Whether you’ve been battling your ED for 8 days or 8 years, it is time to let it go. Don’t let your eating disorder take away your happiness, because it will.

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Reviewed & Approved on October 23, 2019, by Jacquelyn Ekern MS, LPC
Published October 23, 2019, on

About Baxter Ekern

Baxter is the Vice President of Ekern Enterprises, Inc. He is responsible for the operations of Eating Disorder Hope and ensuring that the website is functioning smoothly.