Setting Appropriate Boundaries with a Roommate Who Has an Eating Disorder

Contributor: Crystal Karges, MS, RDN, IBCLC, Special Projects Coordinator at Eating Disorder Hope/Addiction Hope

Individuals who face the challenge of living with an eating disorder are wonderfully complex. Recovering from an eating disorder is often a lifelong journey that evolves through stages. A person in recovery may experience relapses or triggers that exacerbate eating disorder behaviors, making it difficult to carry on with even basic daily tasks and functions.

If you are living with a roommate who has an eating disorder, it may be challenging to understand the struggle of what they are facing day in and day out. Informing yourself about eating disorders as well as learning to set appropriate boundaries can be helpful in this type of situation.

Understanding a Roommate Who Has an Eating Disorder

Eating disorders are complex psychiatric illnesses that develop from a multitude of factors. On the surface, it may seem that your roommate simply has issues with food, is constantly dieting or attempting to lose weight. However, the reality of their struggle goes far deeper than what may meet the eye. Coming from a place that understands that eating disorders are not merely diseases of “vanity” can allow greater empathy and compassion for a roommate who may be struggling.

You may have encountered situations within your mutual living space that have caused frustration or misunderstanding, particularly if your roommate is actively struggling with their eating disorder.

While it may seem easier to brush things under the rug or ignore the situation completely, it is important to have an open and honest discussion with your roommate about what may be troubling you, especially if your health and wellness is being compromised.

Whether or not your roommate has openly discussed their eating disorder with you or not, you can communicate your concerns from a place of care. Being willing to listen and hear them out, not acting defensively, and expressing the need for appropriate boundaries are all part of healthy communication. You must determine what types of behaviors you are unwilling to tolerate living with. For example, if your roommate’s behaviors are endangering to you or themselves, this should not be accepted. Communicating these expectations with your roommate will be important for establishing healthy boundaries within your living situation.

How to Approach a Roommate Who is Unwilling to Respect Living Boundaries

In some situations, you may find that your roommate is unable to honor the boundaries established for your mutual living space. This can be due to a variety of factors, especially in the case that your roommate is actively engaging in their eating disorder, whether it be anorexia or bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder. In this scenario, even the most effective communication may not be sufficient to help an eating disorder, and greater interventions may be warranted.

If you are aware of eating disorder behaviors, such as binging, purging, restricting, compulsive exercising, laxative abuse, and other symptoms associated with these illnesses, you may consider approaching your roommate about professional help and treatment. Living with someone who is engaging in these types of behaviors on a regular basis, whether in secret or openly, can be frightening, as they are jeopardizing their life and health.

If you are uncertain how to approach your roommate in this type of situation, seek out the counsel or advice of a professional, who may be able to offer clearer direction for your particular situation. You may even discuss your concerns with family and friends of your roommate if appropriate.

It is important not to ignore your intuition or any signs and symptoms that may point to a greater problem. As roommates, you are likely to observe behaviors within your shared living space that are not seen elsewhere, and voicing your concerns can help with early intervention and treatment.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

If you have lived with a roommate who has had an eating disorder, what were some challenges you faced?

About the Author: Crystal is a Masters-level Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) with a specialty focus in eating disorders, maternal/child health and wellness, and intuitive eating. Combining clinical experience with a love of social media and writing, Crystal serves as the Special Projects Coordinator for Eating Disorder Hope/Addiction Hope, where her passion to help others find recovery and healing is integrated into each part of her work.

As a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, Crystal has dedicated her career to helping others establish a healthy relationship with food and body through her work with EDH/AH and nutrition private practice.

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on May 31, 2016
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com