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The Gift of Eating Disorder Recovery to Oneself
Contributor: Chelsea Fielder-Jenks, MA, LPC
Full recovery from an eating disorder (ED) is a tumultuous yet possible journey. In ED recovery, there are times, even after disordered eating behaviors have ceased, that the disordered eating thoughts or urges return. The option to return to the ED is present, yet a choice to continue to engage in recovery has to be made.
Like most challenges, recovery from an ED is equal parts exciting and terrifying. Perhaps the most difficult and scary thing in ED recovery is to continue down the path of recovery. Recovery from an ED means not only letting go of the disordered thoughts and behaviors, but also letting go of how the ED served you.
It’s letting go of the bad parts and the good parts of the disorder. Recovery can leave one questioning what happens next. What happens when there is no ED? Who am I without my ED?
Staying the Course
Staying the course with ED recovery is a true gift to oneself, in many ways. Recovery offers a newfound freedom from the disorder; which is, again, equal parts exciting and terrifying. Eating disorders are like a black hole – they suck up one’s time, energy, and freedom to be one’s genuine self.
So much time and energy is spent on preoccupation with food, calories, and appearance, or the planning of binges or purges and how to conceal them, that once free from the disorder, one often finds the time and the physical and emotional energy to spend building a life worth living.
Recovery allows for physical, emotional, social, and existential growth, which, in turn, builds a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Physical Growth
Once ED behaviors cease, there is an opportunity for physical restoration or growth. Medical complications, if present, have the opportunity to be treated or corrected. Neurochemicals, hormones, nutrients, and electrolytes may find balance. Sleep may also improve.
This physical progress, in turn, increases physical, mental, and emotional energy. In a recovered state, the brain and body have a newfound energy to focus on school, work, hobbies, or even treatment. These physical improvements may also decrease vulnerability to emotional dysregulation.
The individual may begin to feel like “their old self” again, i.e., their self before the ED developed. This physical growth is an important first step for continued recovery and lays the foundation for emotional, social, and existential growth.
Emotional and Social Growth
Individuals in recovery have noted an increase in emotional strength, as they find that they now have the ability to tolerate negative emotions without engaging in ED behaviors. There is a newfound ability to regulate their emotions, care for themselves, and provide self-comfort in a way that is not physically or psychologically harmful.
This not only improves the individual’s physical and psychological well-being, but also their interpersonal relationships. In recovery, the ED is no longer occupying the individual’s thoughts, time, and energy, so there is now space to build healthy and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.
Newfound Sense of Social Freedom and Pleasure
An ED often prevents individuals from fully participating in their life. With an ED, social activities, which an individual may have once found fun, now elicit feelings of being stigmatized, feeling self-conscious about their weight or appearance, or feeling like they are “not good enough.”
The ED may persuade one to avoid social gatherings or to push others away in order to maintain the disorder. Once in recovery, individuals often report a newfound sense of social freedom and pleasure. They find that the ED no longer occupies their mind and attention, which had made social gatherings or even school or work difficult or demanding.
Recovery offers vast improvement in emotional and social functioning. In recovery, the individual can be more present in their life and they can draw upon social engagements as a source of joy and connectedness.
Existential Growth
An ED consumes so much of who one is, that life after an ED is like having a blank canvas to paint the life that one wants to create. Finally, the individual has real control over their life, unlike the illusioned control the ED provided. Recovery offers the opportunity to recreate one’s identity beyond the ED.
In recovery, one is able to leave behind the “ED self” and is able to grow into one’s “genuine self.” Individuals often describe recovery as a movement away from being trapped by the ED and towards taking a more active role in designing daily life and the future.
Leaving Behind the “ED Self”
Furthermore, this leaving behind of the “ED self” represents a change of focus from weight, appearance, the counting of calories, and food to a search for a more fulfilling meaning and purpose in life. Individuals report that in recovery they feel able to fulfill their own potential and no longer feel like they must conform to the expectations of others or the ED.
They are able to come face-to-face with their dreams, which may have not been possible with the ED. Individuals in ED recovery have noted an increased feeling of fulfillment and joy, as well as an increased level of engagement in life and relationships.
Self-Worth and Self-Compassion
Two important pieces of long-term ED recovery, and some of the best gifts to oneself in ED recovery, is transforming one’s sense of self-worth and building self-compassion.
Rebuilding one’s sense of self-worth from one that is constructed from weight, shape, and eating to one that is built from one’s values and experiences leaves one less vulnerable to the demeaning voice of the ED; the voice that is waiting for the next opportunity to criticize, compare, or tear down one’s self-worth.
Building self-compassion increases resilience to pain and failure that is sure to be experienced in life; the very pain and failure that seemed to turn up that ED voice in the past. With a greater sense of self-worth and self-compassion, one can be kinder and gentler to themselves and less vulnerable to the ED.
The Opportunity for Tremendous Growth
Recovery from an eating disorder is challenging. And like most of life’s challenges, it offers the opportunity for tremendous growth.
Most of all, recovery from an ED is possible and it is a true gift to oneself – it’s a gift of genuine love, happiness, and joy for oneself and it allows one to find a more fulfilling meaning and purpose in life.
Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!
What is your experience with Eating Disorder recovery? Share some of the gifts your recovery has given you…
References:
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- D’Abundo, M. & Chally, P. (2004). Struggling with recovery: Participant perspectives on battling an eating disorder. Qualitative Health Research, 14, 1094-1106.
- Federeci, A. & Kaplan, A. S. (2008). The patient’s account of relapse and recovery in anorexia nervosa: a qualitative study. European Eating Disorders Review, 16, 1-10.
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- Pettersen, G., Wynn, R. Thune-Larsen, K-B. & Rosenvinge, J. H. (2011). Eating disorders: Challenges in the later phases of the recovery process. Scandinavian Journal of Caring Sciences, 25, 12-18.
- Rahkonen, A. K. & Tozzi, F. (2005). The process of recovery in eating disorder sufferers’ own words: An Internet study. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 37, S80-S86.
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Chelsea Fielder-Jenks is a designated Expert Writer on Eating Disorder Hope. Her well researched and thoughtful pieces have been helpful to many of our visitors. We hope you will read through some of her other interesting pieces: Binge Eating Disorder & Anxiety, Bulimia in Athletes, The Pressure to Compete.
