Friends & Family

help

Eating Disordered behavior reflects a dysfunctional relationship with the self. Family members cannot "fix" the eating disordered individual. It is a unique combination of heredity, environment, culture and conditioning that cause eating disorders to develop.....It is not anyone's "fault"; it is important to remember that everyone has the same goal of a healthy and happy life for the victim of an eating disorder...be patient and non-judgmental, listen, and remember that it is their responsibility to do the recovery work.

For the Family

by Carolyn Costin, LMFT, Director of the Monte Nido Residential Treatment Center

  • Focus on feelings and interpersonal relationships - not on food and weight. Family members are often the forgotten members, especially other children. It is important that they talk about their feelings.
  • Do not let the eating disordered family member disrupt the entire household. The family should go on with their lives as normally as possible.
  • Do not allow the eating disorder family member to shop, cook or feed the family. Do not let the eating disordered family member dominate the rest of the families eating patterns. In nurturing others, eating disorder sufferers are denying their own need for food. Families should go on with normal eating patterns. These details will need to be worked out with the therapist.
  • Set limits in a caring, reasonable, but firm manner.
  • Help the family show affection and appreciation for each other. Underneath disordered eating is a lack of self-worth; thus unconditional love goes a long way.
  • Work on how to avoid power struggles and find alternative ways of dealing with problems as they arrive. Let the therapist and/or physician deal with "highly-charged" issues such as weight.
  • Realize that there are no quick solutions. Demanding change, and/or berating the eating disordered family member will not bring about change or a positive result. Be patient.
  • Avoid having the eating disordered family member make too many decisions about food and other issues. Control is a big issue that must be addressed in therapy. One can not attempt to over control the eating disordered family member. The therapist can help balance out these issues.
  • Parents will need to examine alternatives to their current behaviors (i.e. yelling, pleading, etc. Family members should write in journals, write letters to each other, call the therapist, and write down situations that they need assistance with and provide to therapist and family sessions.
  • The family needs to talk about all kinds of issues - not just focus on the problems or the eating disorder.

*Adapted from Your Dieting Daughter: Is She Dying for Attention? by Carolyn Costin, M.A., M.Ed. MFT published by Brunner/Mazel, New York, New York (1997). see www.montenido.com and www.edcca.com

Links

SUGGESTED BOOKS

  1. Desperately Seeking Self (1997) by: Viola Fodor
  2. Helping Your Child Overcome an Eating Disorder (2003) Bethany Teachman, Ph.D., Marlene Schwartz, Ph.D., Bonnie Gordic, B.A. & Brenda Coyle, Ph.D.
  3. 101 Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body (2001) Brenda Lane Richardson & Elane Rehr
  4. Surviving an eating disorder: strategies for family and friends (1997)Siegel, M., Brisman, J., & Weinshel, M.
  5. First you cry: A handbook of hope for families (1998) Meraglia, D. M. (with Ells, A. H.).
The National Eating Disorders Association

Educative/support sessions for parents of Children
with Eating Disorders TeleSeminar

As a parent, if you need help:

  • Recognizing an eating disorder in your child
  • Communicating effectively with your child
  • Finding the best treatment options
  • Understanding your role in treatment
  • Sustaining yourself, your child, and your family through a challenging recovery

…you are not alone.

Psychotherapist, author, and world renown eating disorder expert, Abigail Natenshon, MA, LCSW, GCFP will host a series of educative teleseminars for parents of children with eating disorders. Within each hour-long phone consultation, Abbie will offer a 20 minute mini-lecture, then will respond to questions live from phone-line participants. Benefit from her vast professional experience as well as from the experience of other parents like yourself!

Each series will consist of 5 teleseminars. Parents can sign up for one or all of the sessions. Topics include:

Teleseminar #1 : A call to action: stepping up to the plate

Teleseminar #2: Understanding your role in your child's treatment and recovery

Teleseminar #3: Finding and mentoring effective treatment

Teleseminar #4: Proactive self-expression: Communicating with child and professional team

Teleseminar #5: Understanding and surviving the eating disorder recovery process

Series A

Sunday afternoons from 1:00 -2:00 CST: September 9 through October 7

Series B

Monday evenings, 6:30 – 7:30 CST: September 10 through October 8

The cost per session is $45 for each participant; receive a $25 discount for attending all five sessions. Audio recordings of the live sessions will be made available following the sessions for downloading at a cost of $20 per session. If you are interested in taking part, please call

More Information at the web site, or call (847) 432-1795

Credit card payments will be accepted.

You may want to prepare for the experience by reading Abbie's book, When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder, which can be ordered half- price on-line at Amazon.com.