Season of Change
By JuLynn Ravenscraft, MA
Remuda Ranch
Program for Eating Disorders
Written: Nov 2011
The holiday season is here once again, and that means we will soon leave the old year behind and enter a new year, whether we feel ready or not. The change of the calendar year is a tangible marker of the inevitability of change. We cannot prevent it, yet it is not always comfortable. The struggle to make or accept change is a common topic in my work with patients with eating disorders. When I hear of someone being “stuck” in their recovery process, it is usually due to one of two reasons: feeling unable to make the necessary changes or feeling afraid to make the necessary changes.
For those who are feeling unable to make positive changes, I’d like to share with you with the story of a young elephant that was chained to a stake in the ground at a young age. The little elephant tried with all his strength to get free, but the chain was too strong. After many failed attempts to break free, the elephant began to think, “I’ll never get myself free, no matter how hard I try. The chain is stronger than I am.”
As time passed, the elephant matured and gained the strength necessary to free himself, yet he was still chained to the same stake. Although he was now capable of breaking free, he did not. Why? He had resigned himself to living life with the chain and he gave up even trying to gain freedom. He made up his mind long ago that things would never change. So they didn’t.
Do you see how the old pattern of thinking prevented change from happening? When you feel as though you “can’t” make the changes in your life necessary for recovery, I encourage you to use the skills you have learned and not allow an old, defeated way of thinking prevent you from finding freedom in recovery.
It is completely normal to feel some fear as we make changes in our lives. Fear of missing the “old” or “safe” behaviors may stand in the way of pursuing new behaviors. We often need to grieve the old before we can completely embrace the new. Even if the “old” was not pleasant, we may feel a sense of loss as we leave it behind to move forward. Author Judith Viorst puts it this way: “…losses and gains, we have seen how often they are inextricably mixed. There is plenty we have to give up in order to grow…We cannot become separate people, responsible people, connected people, reflective people without some losing and leaving and letting go.” Be assured that recovery will mean letting go of some things, but that new and better things will take the place of that which is lost.
I encourage you to reflect, journal, or take inventory of the changes that are taking place in your life right now. Which ones are exciting for you, and which ones fill you with fear? What changes are you hoping to make for yourself in the new year? Reach out to someone and share your thoughts. May you be blessed with peace as you enjoy this season of change!
