‘Tis the Season for Forgiveness
By Donald Altman, M.A., LPC
December 1, 2007
A joyful refrain often heard throughout the holidays is ‘tis the season to be jolly.” More often, however, holiday eating habits can lead to the unhappy words, ‘tis the season to feel guilty.’ This leads to some interesting questions, such as “What is guilt? Is guilt really necessary?”
One possible definition of guilt, for example, could be: Guilt, or feeling guilty is the discrepancy between how we actually act versus how we believe or expect we should act, as learned by our parents, society, teachers, and others. For example, if one is taught to believe that she/he should be a particular body size, shape, and eat only certain “good” foods, then the result of gulping down so called “bad” foods leading to weight gain, will be guilt. The discrepancy between the belief system and behavior is difficult to tolerate because there is absolutely no space for accepting behaviors outside the range of what is expected. Guilt also implies that the person who behaves in a good or bad way becomes good or bad. According to guilt, if one’s behavior is deemed to be bad, it follows to label oneself as bad.
Behavior, of course, can be changed. But labeling oneself can produce negative feelings and anxiety, which also create feelings of shame and blame. A mindful approach is more forgiving approach because it lets the mindful eater witness feelings of guilt and shame—but without grabbing onto them too tightly. In other words, mindfulness offers a new, more accepting way to deal with the discrepancy between behavior and belief.
In witnessing habits, guilt is not an issue. Letting guilt into your life is like letting a ghost from the past control your actions in the present moment. This does not mean you don’t realize that a particular habit is hurting you or others. That is why you are trying to change it. But since witnessing is a nonjudgmental action, guilt is irrelevant and a waste of energy. So, this holiday season, try to witness eating habits without judging. Do this, and you may move yourself one small step toward the refrain ‘tis the season for forgiveness.’
Donald Altman, LPC, is a psychotherapist, former Buddhist monk, and award-winning writer. He developed the treatment program 12 Weeks to Mindful Eating, and is the author of the upcoming Mindfulness Code, as well as Meal By Meal, Art of the Inner Meal, and Mindful Eating Meal Cards. Donald is a TCME board member and leads mindfulness workshops for professionals around the country. His Web site is at www.mindfulpractices.com or contact him at: info@mindfulpractices.com.
